Now we're getting somewhere?

Interesting times... it seems like I'm returning back to that person I was my senior year of high school- the happy, sweet, optimistic girl who would do anything to help anyone (key part being turning back into an optimist). In the past week or two, I've had a couple of people from work confide their issues, and I find myself wanting to do anything I can to support others... there are some people (like in high school) whose star will far outshine mine and whatever I can accomplish, yet I still do anything I can to make them happy, to support them, with no expectation of a return. It's not a brown nosing thing. I genuinely feel like I've accomplished something positive if I am able to help someone out by listening, or telling them they're fantastic.

I may be tailing off in my posts... I don't think any of you are out there anymore. I will pop on once in a while, but... it doesn't really make sense if none of you are watching ;-)

Holidays

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in America, but I wouldn't even have remembered if my mother hadn't reminded me. I find that I will miss the smells, and the food, and the Parade, but it's not that big a deal. What I find more distressing (for lack of a better word) is that I won't be there for the buildup to Christmas- no Salvation Army red kettle bell ringers, no Toys for Tots, and no Nutcracker (though I'm not sure if this is a bad thing). I know I will be in America for the actual holiday itself, but... at this point, we've lost all sense of what Christmas really is, and it's more about everything *before* Christmas. The Christmas Party for work (yes, they call it "Christmas Party" and not "holiday gathering", and yes, it's off site- they're renting an entire restaurant) is the night before I fly home, so there's a very good chance I will be taking a bus to London the next morning absolutely shattered, and I will be spending the time in lines at the airport getting over a hangover. But I'm looking forward to this party- it should be fun :-)

Things are still the same at work- there's way too much to do, and I've got about half the people I need to do it. I'm disappointed and discouraged with myself, though my Boss has not reproached me at all, and has said that I have been doing an absolutely brilliant job. It's just that there are certain standards I have for myself and my office, and we're not hitting them. I can't seem to make staffing issues move along any faster, so... I'll live with it.

the 4th of July, but it's November

Ok, so there's a fireworks display to rival any New England town's 4th of July show going on just down the street from where I live (fantastic view), but it's November and freezing outside. Very bizarre. To me, fireworks are a summertime event. But this is that whole Guy Fawkes/Bonfire Night thing where a billion years ago (or so it seems- I think it was late 1800's maybe) tried to blow up the Parliament Building with a bunch of gunpowder. It's just one of the things I'll have to get used to, I guess, fireworks when it's cold out!

In other news... I'm having a tough time at the moment. I'm frustrated at work because I'm so overloaded that things are slipping through the cracks. It's hard when one and a half people have to do the work of four. While I can't be expected to be perfect, I don't like failing, at all. I want to do everything right, and some things are not going well at the moment. I feel like I'm letting people (Simon) down, even though he's never once admonished me- in fact, he's stuck his neck out for me a couple of times, and defended me and the rest of the Sales staff. I'm also deathly afraid that Simon is going to get sick of what's going on at his level at work, and that he's going to walk away. I can't always expect someone else to stick up for me, but it's a comfort right now to have someone that's so on my side. I'm a little scared...

Also had an anxiety attack today. I haven't had one in months and months. It may have been the first one I've had since I got here. Anyway, it was triggered by looking at a co-workers wedding pictures (I was the only manager in the Department to not be invited. She might've thought I would still be on holiday?). It was hard to look at them and realise I wasn't getting any younger... my self-confidence and self-worth took such a huge hit in Hong Kong that I'm still not *quite* believing in myself when I say that I will be happy and find what I want and what I need. Getting better in other areas, though. When I went to London on my day off the other day, I was quite happy wandering around by myself, and even ate lunch at a restaurant alone, and was okay with it. And, as I was making my way back to the tube after going to Abercrombie's London flagship store (had to get a gift for the Boss), someone stopped me and asked for directions. They thought I was a Londoner, perhaps?

Life is generally pretty good at the moment. Things are nuts as usual at work, but I think there's always going to be something going on, and honestly, I don't know what I'd do with myself if there wasn't some crisis to manage! I was having a chat with my Boss up at the theatre's cafe, and he disappeared out back for a moment and came out with two pieces of hot fudge chocolate cake. There's nothing better than eating cake while discussing work issues. And having a boss who recognises when chocolate cake is called for. And as I was sitting there eating my cake and talking about things, a thought that I'd had recently came back into my head- "I can see myself progressing further than Box Office Manager someday." I'd never really thought that there's much beyond where I am now, but lately I've been seeing that I could (and possibly want to) eventually move into a position where I'd be *overseeing* front-of-house and box office operations. But that's a long way off, if ever. I've got too much to learn and accomplish already!

I was im-ing a friend the other night, and she is convinced that not one, but two guys have a thing for me. I had been explaining some of the things that had been going on (like, I would never expect a guy to remember that I'd ever needed marshmallow fluff for something, especiallly since the last time i'd mentioned it was *June*; and the other one was picking on me- poking me in the arm, drawing on my coffee cup, throwing little bits of paper at me), and she is convinced that both of them have potential. They are very different- one is quiet, extremely intelligent and wickedly funny, but a man of few words; and the other one is very outgoing, very much aware of how attractive he is (though not in a snotty way), and has a tattoo (yes I've seen it, and no, it's not in a secret place- it's on his arm). It could be fun, if our schedules don't keep going opposite each other...

Time for sick little 'ole me to brush my teeth and go to bed. I've got to interview three candidates (two dropped out) for the Deputy Manager position tomorrow, and I'm not enthused about any of them. Maybe they'll be different in person than they were on paper. Otherwise, I will be wasting three and a half hours of my time that would be better spent continuing to play catch up on everything that I'm behind on... :-)

Management Challenge

It's kind of interesting going from an old job (in the US) where I had minor, basic management responsibilities to a new job where I am responsible for the wellbeing of an entire department. If you've been following the story (here's a quick recap for those who haven't), I've had a number of defections from the department, and I am currently down one Deputy and one Supervisor (which makes half of the management team), down one full-time Sales Advisor (and will lose one more to maternity leave in two weeks), and down a few casuals because they've been promoted to part-time status. And, there's a second full-time Sales Advisor who is pregnant and I'll be losing her to leave in the spring.

Sounds dire, doesn't it? The thing is, it's in the process of being sorted. I've spent some time training new casual staff, will be interviewing Deputy Candidates next week, and the Supervisor thing is in the process of being sorted (though I've just been cut out of the process on that one...). I will also be working with one of the front-of-house managers, training her on box office management, which will mean we'll have an interim backup. I find that while everything is in the works, I feel like I've lost a huge amount of control, and I feel very insecure about my position. I've got an older Sales Advisor (this is his last job before retirement, really) who I think is testing my boundaries, but the Supervisor is convinced he's not doing anything on purpose and that I'm looking for trouble. Meanwhile I think the Supervisor is reaching for her own power grab- starting little training initiatives without telling me, sending out departmental reprimands without letting me know what's going on first... I've got my big to-do list of everything that *has* to get done in order to function on the most necessary level, and a lot of these training things are on the list somewhere, just not at the top. We sit down, the supervisor and I, every week and talk about what's going on, but I feel like I'm losing a bit of control and I'm not sure what to do about it.

So my parents are off to Virginia/Tennessee/Kentucky area this week to scout out potential retirement areas. It made me realise that I will eventually have to make a decision about everything I'm storing at their house- furniture, my mattress, kitchenware, loads of books and plays, a couple of boxes of family photos from my Nana (some from the late 1800's even)... I mean, I want all that stuff, but if I have it shipped to England... What happens if for whatever reason, I *don't* make it to the point where I can apply for "indefinite leave to remain" status and then dual citizenship? If I get fired or otherwise leave my employer, I have to leave the country. It would suck spending a couple thousand dollars to get everything over here, only to have to move it back again. I have time, though, because I don't think my parents will be moving for another four or five years. By then, I should have a really good idea of what's going on.

On the plus side (yes, in my miserable, depressive, I-hate-when-the-season-changes-to-autumn, I have screwed up with old and dear friends yet again state, I can find a bright side), I learned that my younger brother has found a new job. And not just a random, I-need-money job. It's in the IT department of a major bank. It sounds like a real grown up job, like, where you could save money, buy a car, maybe even think about a nice apartment or a house eventually. And he's still with his girlfriend who he's been with for (3? 4?) years now. Hmm... Aside from wondering if he'll pop the question someday, hearing about this job kind of took a weight off my shoulders. For the first time, I felt like I might not have to be the one in charge when my parents become *really* old and we have to worry about care, and decisions and things. I might just have one fewer thing to worry about...

I was thinking about my trip back to America for the Christmas holiday this year. I will have missed the 10 year high school reunion that will have occurred over Thanksgiving, and I'm not sure if I'm happy about that or not. It would be really depressing because of the number of marriages, and the kids that go along with that. At the same time, how many people can say they have as cool a job as I have, and that they've gotten to travel? In the end, that's small potatoes. I'm more concerned about getting together with my extended family (I hope we *can* get together). While I will like being the attention, I am *still* conscious of being singled out as being special, a high achiever, like I was when I was little. I mean, I have a cousin who's a lawyer, and it was nice for a while because the focus was deflected off of me. But I don't want to take up the conversation. I mean, I'll have babies to meet for the first time, husbands/boyfriends of cousins to become reacquainted with, gossip to catch up on... totally possible I'm thinking too highly of myself, though. Maybe nobody really will care :-P (somehow, knowing the places I've been, and they will never travel to... they will want stories). But it's something that lurks in the back of my head, the kinda "prodigal daughter/family member" returns home. I'm not that special. This is just me, in pursuit of my life.

7 Month Update

I've been here 7 months now. I can definitively say it is home. I have the same problems here as I did in the US- I make a mess of existing personal relationships while not being able to make solid new ones, and then I hole up in my home for a while... there's always something going on at work... but I like it here better, because it affords me the opportunity to do things I couldn't do in America. I have the capacity to travel more. I don't have to own a car to do basic things like go to the grocery store or get to work...

Something I was just thinking about relating to travel- you know how if you're a native to a particular area, you never see the sights your city has to offer? I know zillions of New Yorkers who've never been to the top of the Empire State Building or taken a Circle Line Cruise. I'm doing the same thing here in England. I haven't really done any of the touristy bits, aside from one day in London when I went to the Tower of London. Some of the reason is time, some of it is money, some of it is ease of getting around... Because this is my home now, am I obligated to really do exploring of the countryside, or am I okay just living my life (such as it is at the moment) and traveling to far-away locations just because I can?

Life is too short for regrets. That's why while I don't regret (I think) going to Hong Kong on holiday, I am sorry for many of the things that happened while I was there. Some were my fault, some were not my fault, and some were nobody's fault- just things that happen as we age and drift away. It was shitty timing, but the only time that was available. I'm still processing what happened, and will share personal realisations if/when I am able. Meanwhile it (well, I have, I suppose) has put me into a dark place, and I am working my way back to the light.

However, personal things aside, it was a lot of fun. I tried chicken feet- a lot like chicken wings, actually, but more little bones, and less reward. I also had crispy fried eel, and squid-ink pasta. My favourite food (aside from the mango drinks!) was this dumpling. Inside, it wasn't just regular dumpling material- there was actual soup *inside* the dumpling! Amazing. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to find my way around, but it was really easy. All the signs were in English as well as Chinese, the subway system was a breeze compared to other cities... Hong Kong was just like any other major city, except that I was taller than a lot of the people, and there were a couple new smells.

One of the things I realised while I was in Hong Kong is that the world is not such a big place after all. I mean, where else is there for me to go? (yeah, I know there are hundreds of places). Seriously, though- I have lived most of my life on the eastern coast of the United States, uprooted myself and moved to England this year, and now have traveled halfway around the world. I have 'dug my hole to China', and I have seen what is on the other side of the planet. I think one of the reasons I like traveling so much is not finding out how other people are different, but how we are all the same.

More musings and ramblings (and even a picture or two) to follow in the next few days. I just wanted to let anyone who reads this (Bueller, Bueller?) know that I haven't fallen off the face of the planet, drowned in a typhoon, or otherwise disappeared.

Rising importance?

I had to go to London (again) yesterday for work- this time it was a UK ticketing system users conference. Actually, it's a whole Customer Relationship Management package (tickets, fundraising, marketing...). But anyway. I knew I'd know some of the people there because I'd have met them in Tucson (and it was great fun to see them again). But there was one person there who I did not expect to recognise me. It was the CEO (an American from Dallas) of the company that makes the software! The five of us from work who went to London were standing around at the coffee area pre-presentation, when the Marketing Director (who also went to Tucson) said "look, there's the CEO of the company. I bet he'll remember you." I was like "no, he'll see me, but remember you." Turns out that not only did the CEO remember my face, he remembered my name as well. I had to introduce him around to the group and everything. I was impressed that he remembered me.

The other thing that's happened is that I've got an entire agenda item to myself at the monthly all-staff meeting (usually 25-30 people in attendance- mostly department heads and senior staff) at the end of this week. I had mentioned something to the Chief Executive last week to the effect of "I've noticed a lot of people not respecting others lately, would you mind putting it on the agenda for the meeting?" in the hopes that she would say a little something. Not only did she put it on the agenda, she asked me if *I* would mind speaking about it, and doing a little reminder of the Core Values of the organisation besides! Eek! No, I don't have a problem speaking in front of people, but I've been there literally six months, and I can see other people taking it as me being cheeky, or a suckup or something :-P No way I could refuse, though, you know?

Tough Week

I'm so glad my week is finally over. I think this has been my toughest week mentally since I arrived, probably because it's all work-related. Wednesday was the massive recruitment day that I was involved in, which meant I wasn't in my office at all. It was also the day where my Deputy Manager was interviewing for the position in another department. Just after lunch, in between the interviews (role-plays to judge how good with customers people were), the Marketing Director asks if she could have a quick word with me... yup, Deputy Manager got the job. We didn't have time to chat much then, because I had to go back to interviews. After the next one was over, My Boss pulls me aside, and we have a quick chat. And again in between the next set of interviews. This in-and-out-of-the-room talks with people thing in between interviews happened four or five times. The only thing I knew for sure was that I couldn't talk to anyone not involved about it, so I had to keep secret the reason I was popping in and out so often. That was difficult, because one of the people on my interview panel asked if I was okay. and then after the day was over, I had to go to a party. I had promised ages ago that I was going to go to the End-of-Dark Period party, so I went, even though I didn't feel like it. I got dressed for it and everything... and wound up having a decent time, though there were pictures that were taken, and circulated, and seen by the Chief Exec. But nobody can say that I have ever let anything get in the way of my work... (oh, did I mention that I was flirting with a guy who works in Customer Services?)


Thursday in London was really nice. We (My Boss, all of the Customer Services Managers- including the Guy- and myself) visited two facilities- the Barbican (an interesting facility. Click here for more information: http://www.barbican.org.uk/about-barbican/history) . We also went to the Southbank Centre (http://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/) and toured the Royal Festival Hall, as well as all of the lobby spaces, dressing rooms, backstage areas... It was really amazing for me to be able to see the home of the London Philharmonic; I think I was thinking of them as a foreign group, you know? But they weren't because I was in their home! (If that makes any sense. It does to me, but...). It was also good for me to hang out with my fellow coworkers and share a glass of wine (or three!) over dinner, and then go back to Southbank and see a show (Carmen Jones). And fun too, to spend time with the Guy, because he, another girl and I were definitely the young people in the group and we just generally got along really well. Oh, and did I mention I think I had my six-month review (the formal one) on the Tube as we were going from one place to another? Really hilarious. This is what it was:

Boss: you're doing a fantastic job. Are you happy here?
Me: Yes
Boss: Any problems?
Me: are you serious?
Boss: Do you want any training?
Me: I think we have more pressing concerns to deal with first.
Boss: (lets out a hearty laugh)


Friday, however, was the worst day ever. I woke up with a nasty head because I'd had three glasses of wine at dinner in London. I wasn't ever drunk, but wine hurts me. And because I was now back in the office, I had two days of crap to catch up on in addition to the whole thing with the Deputy Manager (did I mention that I'm still without the position vacated by Supervisor Who Turned Psycho? Things are happening there, but I won't explain until I have more developments). I sat down to have a chat with the Marketing Director and HR about transition and timeline, and about trying to keep it (that the Deputy got the job) secret for a while and things. Then I reported back to my Boss on what was discussed, and we wound up getting in a pretty heated conversation, in the middle of the foyer, with raised voices and lots of arm waving. He didn't agree with what I'd talked about to Marketing and HR, and I didn't agree with what he wanted about the situation. I was caught in the middle. At that point, I was so tired about being pulled out for conversations every five minutes and people telling me one thing but telling my Boss another. I finally turned around and started to walk away from my Boss in the middle of a conversation because I was about to cry, that's how frustrated I was. I didn't know about conversations he'd had with others, so it was difficult for me to push what he wanted me to, etc. But I think things are okay, because I saw him briefly today, and he gave me a kiss and asked if I was okay, and that he had his mobile on him if I needed anything.

I know I can make it through this transition period, because I've done it zillions of times before in my previous work life. And now I've got the support of people behind me, and it's not a sink or swim situation, and I know it will be resolved. My Boss is just horribly afraid that I will fall apart, because that's what happened to the old Box Office Manager when the shit hit the fan. I wonder what a whole year without drama would be like? Would I be able to deal with it, or would I manufacture drama/make little things bigger than they appear?

Stealing

I should know better than to open my mouth and give anyone an idea. I was in a meeting today when my Deputy Manager claimed an idea as her own, when I gave her the idea in the first place over a month ago. But should I really be that upset?... There are a lot of little things re the Deputy Manager that are ticking me off lately, none of them in and of itself enough to say anything about. The idea stealing/credit taking, slightly sloppy work, minor dress code infringement... all of it petty, but I feel like there's no point in reprimanding if this person gets the position in the other department (the interview for that is tomorrow). Ugh, I don't want to think about it... I understand the reasoning behind it, and I support it, but that doesn't mean I have to like what it'll do to my department if it happens.

Happy day- tomorrow I'm floating around helping with the massive recruitment day to benefit FOH (and Sales too, hopefully!). Then I'm off ot the annual end-of-dark-period summer party, and then London the next day on a field trip. I'm actually really excited about that. I'll be the only one from Sales going (the rest are FOH management), but that's okay. And another thing to look forward to is my holiday in a little less than a month. It'll be good to spend time with someone I don't have to explain things to.

update

I'm not sure if I really have much to say that's new, but on the off chance that some of you are reading (are you? shameless, I know!), I thought I'd at least set down a brief note on what's going on...

It's really been a normal week. At work, we're gearing up for the start of the new season in a few weeks, I'm getting ready for my 6 month review- in two weeks from today, I'll have been here for six months already. I've been in a bit of a pout at my Deputy Manager because she's applying for a position in the Marketing Department. I've had a lot of staff turnover in my department since I got here, and while everyone left for valid reasons (death, more money, etc), I was concerned that I've been doing something wrong. When I mentioned this to My Boss (along with reminding him to schedule my review so HR didn't yell at him), he said I've been brilliant and it's nothing I've done. Next week is the Dark Party (dark= venue has no shows) where I get to practice my rusty social skills, and the day after that, My Boss is taking all of the managers/supervisors of his department (Sales and Front of House/Catering) on a team-building day to London where we might even get to see something that's on in the West End. It's only going to be me from Sales, though, because Supervisor is on holiday, and Deputy Manager has a scheduling conflict (good- if she wants to defect, she shouldn't get to come on fun outings!). I'm really happy I'm the last one to take holiday time this summer, because I won't have to worry about covering for anyone else after I get back... Next summer I want to go somewhere spectacular- maybe Australia. But first comes the week I'm going to have to take in Februrary or March to use up most of the rest of my time- I'm looking at spending a week on the beach somewhere. It's looking like Spain at the moment, but I wouldn't count out anything else. It all depends on the kind of deal I can get through a travel agent.

See, really boring, just like I promised :-)

America, I'm unsure

I'm not sure what to think, really. I was so happy to be back in the Desert Southwest, yet I longed to be back in England, where things weren't so foreign. Being in New York also made me happy, but for other reasons (having nothing to do with family). My Boss said that New York is his spiritual home, and I totally understand that. Being there, I felt more alive than I did in Paris, or Berlin, or London. It was nice to be in the city I love with someone who feels the same way...

It was weird spending so much time with people I'd only known at work. But we didn't kill each other at all, and I feel like I got to know them much better (however, I'm not sure I liked hearing some of the inside stuff going on at the Exec Mgmt. level where I work, and hearing them talk of moving on someday (not imminently, I presume, since My Boss has only been there a year or so)). And I'd hang with my Boss outside of work any day of the week. We did a lot of shopping together, and it was really cool, because there was no chance that we'd both end up liking and buying the same thing (which can be a problem from time to time!). We might even go to London someday, who knows!

But the really important things I learned this week are that as much as America has given me, I think I like England better right now. I got tired pretty quickly of the loud, obnoxious Americans who wouldn't just say their piece and let it go, and kept yammering away about it, and asking stupid questions (I'm sorry, but if someone asked a question, it was answered, and then you ask it again, that makes you stupid). In between sessions and dinner one night, my Boss and I were sitting on the terrace at the hotel sipping cocktails, and he mentioned to me how I've got it made when I decide to go back to the United States because of A) working in England in the first place, and B) because of how we're kind of on the front edge of changing how tickets are being sold and managed. As flattering and as positive as that was, I still took exception to it in my head- who said I wanted to go back, you know? But it wasn't meant as a "you'd better watch your back..." move (though I still do), because he'd said a number of complementary things about me to other people, some of them pretty high up on the food chain in America (he didn't know who they were :-P). And it wasn't like "oh, she's really good, she works hard." It was more "she's really good, she works hard AND we're lucky to have her."

I think if I had the opportunity to visit America when I wanted, I'd be perfectly happy here in England. And it looks as if I might have that option, because if anyone goes to the conference again, the Boss said it would be me (and he's the project leader for it in our theatre).

The only thing that made me unhappy on the whole trip (other than spending time with family and feeling I was missing out on something else) was the thought that I was coming home to an empty flat. Both the Boss and the Marketing Director had someone to call home to... I know I bitch about it all the time, and it's my fault because I haven't done something about it yet. I'm still scared. But anyway... I was sitting in JFK waiting for the other two to show up so we could board the flight back to London, and I must've had a really bad look on my face because my Boss asked me what was wrong. And I remember having a hard time keeping my face arranged, and the Boss told me it was okay to be sad to be leaving America. That wasn't the reason I was sad at all, but it was better left unexplained, you know? I still got a hug out of it.

So I'm still not sure what to think. I know I can love different places deeply for different reasons (the Southwest and New York, for example), but does that mean I can do that for two entirely different countries?

No Sleepy

I got back from my trip to Arizona and New York yesterday morning, and I'm still quite groggy. It definitely wasn't a pleasure trip, though I had the most amazing time, for the most part. In fact, the part of the trip I liked the least was spending time with my parents. I felt like I was missing things because I wasn't in Manhattan with My Boss and the Marketing Director. Besides, nothing has changed with my parents- one is still overbearing and loud and sometimes insulting, and the other one is quiet and manages to put up with all of it. I couldn't deal with the incessant bickering, and told them to can it more than once, which just made one of them mad.

Anyway... the reason for lack of sleep is because I didn't get much last week! I was up for 24 hours on Saturday while I was travelling from Northampton to Tucson and then got maybe five hours of sleep. Then each night during the conference, I would go to sleep between 10pm and midnight, and would wake up at 3am (body clock thing- everyone else from the UK was waking up at the same time!), then roll over and go back to bed until I had to get up at 6am, give My Boss a wake-up call, then go swimming with him at 6:30am. Then a networking breakfast, sessions, lunch, more sessions, 15 minute afternoon break, more sessions, networking dinner and receptions that didn't end until 10pm. Doing that for four days was hard. I don't know how I managed to be "on" all that time... being around that many people, and having to present a face for that long is draining. But lots and lots was learned, and I ran into a number of old colleagues, and met a bunch of UK users who were new to me.

So there was an endless week of Conference, then a midnight flight out of Tucson on Thursday night on which i got ZERO sleep, didn't get a chance to shower until 3.3opm on Friday, and didn't get to bed until 1am Friday night/Saturday morning. That means I was up without sleep nearly 48 hours. And I didn't get tons of sleep the rest of the weekend- about 6 on Saturday night, and 2.5 or so on the plane back to London. After I got back to my flat, I forced myself to sit and eat some lunch because I couldn't remember the last time I ate, and I actually fell asleep while I was eating! I'd never done that before! Needless to say, work was a little difficult today (and My Boss slept through TWO alarm clocks, and didn't make it in until lunchtime). But all will be well once I restore normal habits.

More on actual thoughts on Conference and going back to America shortly...

Is it time to go yet?

I'm getting really wound up about leaving to go to America for The Conference. It's not really about seeing my parents, and getting to spend some time in New York again. A good portion of it has to do with coming to the realisation that I *have* done a lot, and I've risen fairly quickly in my field. And presenting at The Conference is evidence of that.

I think a bit of it also has to do with going to this thing with my fellow coworkers who are British, and seem to be a lot moer scared about what to expect out of this than I am. They're not used to the American way of networking, and the fact that I'll know so many more people than they will, and that I'm being looked at as the expert (out of the three of us, and I'm the youngest)... of course I'm being tormented and threatened with having to push the luggage cart the whole time, and having to sit in the middle seat on the plane because I'm the most junior of the crew, but... it's all in good fun, and I'm looking forward to spending time with these people I'm going with.

Ok, I have to mention this because some of you will think it's hilariously typical (in a not at all funny kind of way, if you know what I mean). I wander into the office a little before noon with cup of coffee in hand, and ready to start getting things together before I leave for a week. I just sit down at my desk when the box office admin girl said that Deputy and Supervisor were in the cafe, because she'd just gotten test results back on a family member's condition. So I head up to the cafe, and the news isn't good. We're not sure how 'not good' yet, but it's not good. So after some sniffles and hugs and orders to go home and take care of things, Supervisor leaves.

I go back to my desk. I had just pulled out a stack of papers to work on when a couple of maintenance men (external ones, not the usual crew) go into the telesales office to look at a radiator that hasn't been working properly. One is kneeling on the floor. He'd just banged a couple of things when all of a sudden... yup, you guessed it. It was like a fire hydrant had been knocked over. The water was EVERYWHERE. What kind of moron didn't turn off the mains water? So dumbass maintenance man is holding his hand on a pipe, and it's like sticking a finger in the Hoover dam. Three people ran for House Management or the Operations manager (whoever they saw first), another two went looking for towels, and I'm herding the rest to the counter out front so they can continue selling tickets. After I get them squared away out front, I go back to the telesales room, and there's water that's nearly an inch high in a corner. I'm crawling around under desks picking up computers off the floor so they don't short circuit. What happens next? One of the tech guys comes down with a small refrigerator that he'd found (because we said we wanted one if it wasn't being used). So not a good time! Eventually people come and are able to stem the flow of water. They leave, mumbling something about getting a wet hoover (shop vac). They fail to turn up for 20 minutes. Some people are using towels borrowed from wardrobe to start sopping up water, and I'm going back and forth between the front counter and the telesales office. On one of my trips back to telesales, I actually look around, and the place is a mess. There's dirty water all over the desks and keyboards, water splashed on the wall, and there's even water on the ceiling. And then my boss comes down the hall (not knowing what had happened) shouting (well, not shouting, but talking loud enough that i could hear him before I saw him), "guess what I have for you!" He takes a look at me, and I give him a death stare and point to the telesales office. He peeks in and then says "Ok. I think I'll leave you alone now."

Thinking about it now it's really funny, but it wasn't funny right after the drama I'd had first thing. And I'm sure it will not be funny again when the floor under the carpet starts to get moldy. But, what am I going to do, you know?

One last thing (because it's way late, and I need to get to bed). I've noticed that the closer I get to going back to America, the more I act like an American. I'm using American phrases, talking faster, and sometimes in that annoying/arrogant "I'm an American and you're not so I know better" way (in jest, though). Which makes me think two things. One, that I really am excited to be going. But two, have I become that much of an Anglophile that being what I was isn't normal for me anymore? ...

"I'm not standing on the edge of the cliff waiting to jump in the lake, because I've already done that... I'm swimming across now, but can't see either shore..."

- Me, describing to a dear friend (and fellow expat) about what I'm feeling at the moment)


In other random news- I've finished a draft of my presentation for The Conference, and am waiting for my Boss to tell me what he thinks... I was asked if I could think of any training I wanted, even if it isn't directly work related- if it can fall under "personal development," work will pay for it... i'm going on a team-building trip to London at the end of the month,which will probably include a show (will be way fun)... I've finished reading Harry Potter #7, but won't write anything here about it for a while because I don't want to spoil it for anyone!...

And yes, for the ONE PERSON who asked me- Northampton is one of the very few places in England that has escaped the Katrina-esque flooding.

End of season party

Last night was the end-of-season party, and it was definitely an eventful night. I was on show duty, and about 10 minutes before the two (yes, we had both venues going with around 1,400 people in the building) shows were supposed to start, a massively loud alarm goes off. I've got my radio, so I can hear what's going on, but nobody's making an announcement... the issue was solved before the "evacuate the building" auto-response went off, though. So both shows started way late because of "technical difficulties."

Then, when box office met in the telesales room for our little pre-party two hours later (box office is closed at this point, so we're all off-duty), an alarm goes off again. We're all dressed up for a good party, we just opened two bottles of champagne and poured it into the nine glasses, and there goes the alarm :-P we sprint into the foyer and I snag the radio as I run through my office. So there are nine of us, in our makeup, heels, (smart shirts for the guys) and we're ready for action. It was like the box office version of the "super rescue hero team" or something. Some of us hold the front doors open while others direct patrons to the waiting area outside (yeah, we had to evacuate one of the theatres this time- thank god it was the small one).

The party itself was fabulous. After alarm crises were over, we reconvened in the telesales room with our champagne, prizes, and a little bit of german schnapps brought back from Berlin (the last bit was only for Supervisor, Deputy and me). By the time we were done, the official staff party was warming up, and that involved another couple glasses of wine and a bit of dancing. Deputy and I snuck out just before midnight to pick up Harry Potter (more on harry in a minute), then went back for ending of the staff party. Once things were shutting down at work, most of us headed to the Official Pub of the place where I work. Then some of my sales advisors thought it would be fun to play "let's get the boss more drunk than she already is." (I do want to say that I was never at the point where I'd do or say something regrettable). Involved a vodka and RedBull, a shot of sambucca, and lots of sips of various beers and ales including Guinness, then massive quantities of water. I was pretty shattered by the time I left for home at 3am (I promised myself I wouldn't look at my watch if I was having fun, so I didn't know what time it was until I was home and setting my alarm so I could get up at 7am).

It was hilarious this morning at work. I was doing alright, actually, which surprised me a bit. But I woke up one of the sales advisors when I called to ask where he was- I had a strong suspicion he was passed out from the night, and he was. He comes running in 10 minutes later, just completely wrecked. He looked like hell, and his polo shirt was so wrinkled, and he kept apologising and saying it was so unprofessional of him, and I thought he would cry. Very funny. And the whole day was full of talking to people who were in various states of recovery. It was a massive party, and I had a ton of fun and was very happy with myself.

Ok, this post is way too long, and I've been putting off reading Harry Potter for too long now, so I have to stop. I must bite the bullet and come to grips that this is the last Harry Potter novel and that no matter how long I put it off, the series will end. Besides, I should read it before I accidentally hear a verified plot spoiler.

Ask, and ye shall receive (if I'm in a good mood!)

Some of you asked, so here it is- a recent-ish picture of me. Not the best, but it'll have to do for now. And for those of you who are going to yell at me for not being 'secure'-oh well, too bad :-) Do you have any idea how many people put pictures up of their new babies? How many of them get stolen every year? And besides, why would anyone want to steal me?

I finally worked in my second office today. I've had that room since the day I started work (over four months ago, now!), and I can't believe this is the first time I finally broke down and essentially told everyone to leave me the hell alone so I could get real work done. And I was able to check 5 shows in an hour and a half (three of them being 21 performance runs). Too bad I still don't have a second Supervisor so I could spend more time upstairs by myself. I have no idea when it's going to be finally sorted.

As you can see, nothing interesting to report today. I didn't go to a certain party tonight because I'm still a little under the weather, though immensely better than even yesterday. And I might get a Nintendo Wii. I've been saying for over two weeks now that I need to sort out a gym membership, but I haven't done it. I'm afraid it's a precursor to what will happen if I *do* finally manage to get myself over there- I get a membership, and then don't use it. However, I can spend a little bit more, get a Nintendo Wii which has a bajillion sports games with it, and I know I'll play that a hell of a lot more because I can do it in the privacy of my own home ;-) Excuse? Possibly. More fun than a gym? Hell yes.

Tuna Fish

I don't think I'm going to be eating a tuna sandwich again anytime soon. I had one on Friday for lunch, and by Friday night, I was a little rumbly in my tummy (and not because I was hungry). By the time I woke up on Saturday morning, I was in full-blown food poison mode. What really sucked was that I absolutely had to go into work anyway, because I was supposed to close, and the supervisor that opened couldn't do a double because she had to go to her second job afterwards. So I drag myself in an hour and a half late, and basically sit at my desk with my head down for the afternoon. But three separate people from other parts of the building came in to check on me, and offer their help. It was sweet. I feel a little bit better this morning (able to keep down two glasses of water and an ice pop so far), and am going out to the store in a few to buy medicine and soup (afraid to eat, but I know I have to). This was the first time I'd been sick here, so I guess you could call it a landmark of sorts. :-P

Something good did happen on Friday (actually two things). Flights are finally booked for the trip to Arizona, and we're going a day earlier than planned, which means we'll have the Sunday to chill out by the pool. We're also taking a night flight out on Sunday, which means all day Friday and Saturday, and part of Sunday, in New York. So if any of you in New York want to do something... I'm taking suggestions ;-)

Even better than booking flights is this: my Deputy Manager and I were having a meeting with My Boss, and he showed me the email requesting him to do a presentation at the conference. He said he didn't want to do it, even if we wrote it for him. I countered with the idea that it would be a major prestige thing, and it would be good for Our Company's visibility. My Boss then says, "I think you should do it." What?!? He said "it would be so good for you- everyone will see that you're in England now, and that you're special, and that you're good enough to do this." (kind of a polite way of saying "screw you" to everyone that didn't hire me in the States). So, I'm doing a presentation at the conference now, but I only have two weeks to put it together before it has to be mailed off. I am supposed to be getting help from everyone at work, though. I'll let you all know how it turns out! And, I don't know if it's due to karma or what, the Tessitura person overseeing this particular session is someone I worked with in Santa Fe :-) Happy Days.

Spooked

I went to work on Friday afternoon, and on the noticeboard was a two-page fax from the local police department warning entertainment venues to be extra vigilant "due to what happened in London this morning." So I hop on the computer and find out that there were two car bombs, that thankfully didn't go off. Both were in the entertainment districts in London, and both had the capacity to potentially kill hundreds of people. I think to myself "ok, glad it wasn't here" and went on with my day. Later on, I read that there was a "suspicious" package at the airport in Ibiza (Spain- one of the most popular places for the British on holiday) that the authorities did a controlled explosion on. Then yesterday, I read that a flaming car tried to ram itself into the terminal at Glasgow airport. It didn't make it all the way in the doors, so someone got out of the car and tried to push it further inside.

Any one of those incidents on their own wouldn't have bothered me. I think having all the terror alerts all the time in the States helps numb, but all of those incidents within 36 hours of each other, in such a small area, aimed at British citizens, the week before the 2nd anniversary of the London Tube bombings, and the anniversary of the Madrid train bombing, the new prime minister of Great Britain taking office just this week, and the recent knighting of Salman Rushdie... it really made me on edge. Maybe because England is such a small island, and I feel like I couldn't get away from it if anything happened? I don't know... last night I was on the internet for far too long waiting for something else to happen. It's really hit home that I won't be able to escape terrorism, wherever I go. Anyone want to send a hug my way?

Linguistic Assimilation

Within the past week, I've really noticed how much my vocabulary has changed, and how I say words. One of the Sales Advisors had a few coupons that a customer redeemed, and asked me if I wanted them. I told him "you can just bin them." I also use the word 'rubbish' a bit (as in stupid, a load of crap, dumb, idiotic). And, I think I use the word 'lovely' too often.

The scarier thing is the pronounciation. Last week, I poked my head into the telesales office to make sure nobody was goofing off excessively, and said something to one of the advisors, and they said "are you speaking English now? you just said that whole sentence like one of us!" Of course, I don't remember what came out of my mouth, but... Even worse is this- a few of us were moaning about having to go to the grocery store because we had nothing to eat at our homes. One person said they had a can of tinned tomatoes, and that was about it. I commiserated, and added, "yeah, I've got a bag of pasta and a can of crushed tomatoes." Except that I started to say 'toe-MAH-toe' instead of 'toe-MAY-toe'. And then I couldn't figure out what to say!

My first visitor (of sorts) is coming next Friday. The person who gave me the lead on the job here will be in town, and will be stopping by the office (as part of his job), and asked if I would be around. It'll be interesting to see what this guy has to say, because he's seen me at my former job, and knows how miserable I was. Hopefully, he'll be able to tell a difference ;-)

Pictures

I can't believe I'm so organised- I have the pictures I took in Berlin uploaded already! I thought I'd share them with you while I'm pondering deep thoughts about the weekend...




You all know how impressed I am with Zoo Berlin... I thought this was cute.











This is the famous polar bear, Knut. His mother abandoned him at birth and now he is a diva because everyone pays so much attention to him because they feel bad. Turns out Knut is a bully as well. There is some kind of brown bear named Ernst who was born at the same time, and nobody knows about him because of all the Knut publicity. I have no pictures of Ernst because he was hiding.






This church was bombed out in World War II. You can't see because of the tree, but the top of the steeple is missing...










The Brandenburg Gate. To the left, just out of the picture, the American Embassy is being built (rebuilt?), and to the right, the French Embassy. Napoleon stole the statue on the top, but then it was taken back. The goddess in the chariot was named Irene, goddess of peace, but then her name changed to Victoria. If you're up close, you can see that the goddess's head is inclined, watching the French Embassy.








Need I say more?

Destination: Berlin

Yes, the adventure for June was going to Berlin this past weekend. Living where an hour and a half flight will take you to a dozen different countries, at a cost that is super reasonable, why shouldn't I have my fun?

I really liked Berlin, but for totally different reasons than why I liked Paris. I think it has to do with the friendliness of the people. I would feel completely comfortable going back, by myself, not knowing a word of English. Most everyone speaks at least a little English, and if they don't, they don't seem to mind when you try your best to speak German. In France, I felt like people would laugh at me if I tried my French (which is decent, all things considered). It felt like the Germans were less stuck up than the French. Though it could've just been the area I was in, in the East.

One odd thing that just popped into my head- I don't think I saw one black person in the four days I was there. Weird...

This was more of a hanging out with my friend trip than a sightseeing trip. We went to a fabulous restaurant on Friday night, called White Trash. It was a burgers and beer place, but damn, the food was good, and the ambiance was great. Totally kitschy decor, and the menu made me laugh so hard I stole it. One of the things on there: "Chips and salsa free. Unless you're a cunt, and then we'll charge you 10 Euros." Friend of MyFriend joined us halfway through dinner, then we all went to a park called "the Watertower", or something like that, because of some really old stone towers and water well things. We climbed up to the top of the hill, onto a structure (flat, covered in bricks- don't worry), and spent an hour laying back, looking at the stars. It was a surreal experience, because here we were, in a park where the SS used to have their internal jail, and we were looking at the stars. And lightning was flashing off somewhere, but there was no thunder. We eventually climb down and decide to go home. On the other side of the park are trampolines built into the ground. So much fun! As soon as we leave the park gates, it starts pouring, and keeps it up for the 10 minute walk home. But it was fun.

Saturday we did some shopping. Lots of fun stores in the neighborhood. I think we did something else on Saturday, but can't really remember. Oh well. My Friend was going to take me on an official tour of Berlin (she was an English-speaking tourguide for a year), but we were exhausted.

Sunday was jam-packed. Up at 8am to help friends set up at a flea market, then we went to the zoo. I think the zoo in Berlin beats out the San Diego zoo, but it's a close call. Still doesn't beat the Bronx Zoo, but... :-) I saw Knut, the baby polar bear that everyone was obsessed with. I think it has to do with his mother rejecting him as a baby. Because of all the attention he's recieved, Knut's turned into a diva. He definitely knows people are watching him. And they have to work crowd control around the exhibit. My Friend and I got separated as we were waiting in line to see him, so I continued on my way past, then went to double back and find her. But some German police-type person was really mean and told me I couldn't go back in that way, under any circumstance. I called him a really nasty and politically incorrect name, but only in my head.

After the zoo, we went on an abbreviated tour, to Potsdamer Platz and the Brandenberg Gate area. In Berlin, there's a line of bricks in the streets wherever the Wall used to stand. Kinda weird. Anyway, Potsdamer Platz looks nothing like it did before the Wall came down. Back then, it looked kinda like a wasteland, but now, there are huge buildings. I had a hard time coming to grips with the fact that all of the buildings I was seeing were not in existence 12 years ago.

For some reason, I expected the Brandenberg gate to be a freestanding monument with nothing nearby for like 100 feet. Not the case. The American Embassy is being built (rebuilt?) on the left side of it, and something else is on the right. It was one of those things like the Eiffel Tower- a little surreal to see, and possibly disappointing, but not really.

On the way back to the train we stopped at something I noticed on the way to the Gate (My Friend said she would explain on the way back). I saw a lot of what looked like stone/smooth concrete coffins, almost. Turns out it was the Memorial to the Six Million Jews Who Died in the Holocaust. The site is the size of two soccer fields, and has over 2,000 stone slabs set into the ground at varying heights. The ground is also uneven, so there is a part where you are walking down, and the stones are getting taller and taller. I felt a lot of different things, not all of them the best, but having My Friend the tourguide (who is Jewish) helped me put perspective on things, once I had come to my own conclusions. She went straight to the other side, and let me wander around as long as I needed to. We then had a discussion about why the monument is what it is, what others think of it, and things like that. The most shocking thing I heard was that they began putting some anti-graffiti compound on the stones (because it's not a walled, armed-guarded monument) but then stopped when someone found out that the makers of the compound were the same makers of Zyklon-B. The company donated the rest of the anti-graffiti free of charge. It showed that good things do come out of bad (it wasn't their fault- there was nothing in the company's records to show...).

We did a little more shopping on Monday morning, then I caught a train home.... I did so much walking over the weekend, and it felt really good, actually. I was really glad I went while My Friend was still living there, and now I feel completely confident that I can go back by myself and have a fantastic time. Seeing as how I just got back tonight from Berlin, this post seems mostly descriptive, and not reflective. Reflection may come in the coming days...

The Value of Things

Money:
Ah, money... When I had my review on Friday, one of the glowing comments that was made was about how I understand the value of *things.* And by things, I mean money. My Boss was particularly effluent in his praise of my knowledge and understanding of what prices were set for performance tickets, and even more general than that, what day-to-day things cost, like lattes, train tickets and housing costs. I am comfortable operating on the GBP system, and somehow that shocks a lot of people.

More on money: I took a peek in the charity shop down the street today to see if they had any coffee tables in, and I walked past a bunch of televisions. Now, I'm going to get around to purchasing a televison someday, so I stopped to look. They had two gorgeous flat screen, hi-def tvs with stands, for 250 GBP each. They're normally three times that price. Then I look to my left and see the regular bulky old CRT televisions, one of which might have been 25", and it was only 60 GBP (but without a stand). Now, I know the flat screen televisons are on a HUGE discount, but isn't a 25" CRT tv for 60 GBP enough for me? I didn't get either one today, because I'm deciding whether I should splurge and buy the nice tv, instead of just getting something that's "good enough."

Things already committed to:
I'm going to visit a male friend in a foreign country this fall, and he made an offhand remark the other day to the effect of "wouldn't it be ironic if you were seeing someone and decided to cancel the trip?" Ha, very funny :-P In all seriousness, though, I wouldn't cancel- for two reasons: one, whoever I would potentially be seeing would have to at least tolerate ALL of my friends, as well as trust in me. Yes, I can see where someone might be upset that I was going to go away for a week and visit a friend who is the member of the opposite sex. But there are a lot of variables... and a lot of things to do to make it okay without having to cancel. Second reason, I made a commitment to visit; I don't think there's ever been a situation where I didn't keep a promise. It's okay that people put different values on things; I just put following through on commitments higher up on the list than others might. Are my standards and priorities out of whack?

Human physical contact:
I realised today that I haven't had a hug from someone since the 3rd of March this year (which was the day I left the United States). I used to wonder how people could live without a hug, and now I know- you just deal with it. But I want all of you to sit down and think about it for a moment- run through your day, or your week, and ask yourself: do I actually touch anyone? Do I get a hug? A pat on the back? A kick in the ass? Is it just the occasional business handshake? Do the results surprise you? I think there is an inexplicable value to this- contact can inflame, soothe, reassure...

That's really all I have for now. But what about you? ;-)

The Review

I had been feeling sorta off all week, and yesterday three separate people asked me if I was okay. And yeah, I felt pretty bad, but couldn't figure out why until this morning- hooray for sleeping in (I swapped shifts with The Supervisor, because she told me I looked like hell and needed sleep). It was because I was stressed out! I can't believe it took me all week to figure that out. That's the difference between working at My Former Employer vs. where I work now. I still love my job, but there's just too much of it at the moment. So I'm looking at what I can delegate, and I'm trying to avoid doing other departments' work for them! All will be better soon, I'm sure.


So on to today... only the one meeting, thank goodness. And it's usually fun, even it it *is* at my expense (it's the weekly "make fun of Kathleen because she's from America" meeting- oh, how I'll get them back when we head to Arizona!). My Boss wants me to use my southern redneck voice for an entire meeting someday.

Anyway, the meeting is wrapping up, and My Boss says "can I have a word with you?" Now, in my previous job, that was NEVER a good sign. So that, combined with being stressed out, made me sweat a little. And then he says "I have to do your three-month review." Shit! a) I've been here three months already, and b) I knew I had to go through a three month review, but I didn't know it would be *today*. We find a corner and sit down. He explains that it's the informal one (I have a formal one at six months, then I'm off probation- all standard procedure). He asks me about any problems I might be having, and I raised an issue that had been ongoing, sort of, but that was about it. I'm then waiting for him to say what he thinks of my job performance (if you ask me what I'd grade myself, I'd do a solid C: not great, but not bad, either). My Boss had nothing but good things to say. I was shocked. He mentioned how he loved that I was integrating the Sales Office with the rest of the building, and not letting it turn into an island. Mentioned my operating with grace under pressure. That he liked the attitude in the box office- loose but able to crack on with things and get the job done. And that when I'm at work I work my ass off, but I also make sure I take time for myself, and I make sure others use their holiday time as well. He was amazed that I've adjusted so thoroughly and well to life in general... it was really strange to hear all of these good, positive things when I've been thinking less than perfect thoughts about my work performance.


After the whole what's going well/what's not segment, My Boss asked if I thought there was anything I needed training on, managerial-wise, because he'd make sure I got some if I thought I needed it. And he said "what do you need from me? How can I support you better, because I've been doing a poor job so far." And I laughed. Any of you who were around for my former job would know that a question like this would never even get asked! So we decided on weekly meetings would be fine- we've been saying for a long time that we need to do that, and never get around to scheduling them in. As we were getting up to leave, I said something about my 6 month review, and My Boss said "oh, don't worry about that, we won't let you go anywhere."

This is new territory for me- a job I really enjoy, people I enjoy working with, and a boss that is actually interested in training and support. I'm relishing it. And because things are good on the work front, it leaves me free to focus on how to improve upon the personal/social, which I'd put a lot of work into before I left Connecticut. Now if I didn't lack willpower/motivation to follow through!...

Ok, ok, I know I haven't posted yet about my trip to Paris last weekend. I've been busy! In the meantime, though, enjoy the pictures:








I think you can guess what this first one is ;-)


Isn't it lovely at night?














and this is what's across from the Eiffel Tower





This is the Orange Garden at Versailles:

I'm looking out from inside the Louvre, remembering how much fun I had racing a South African and an Australian on my bike the previous night on the bike tour ;-)

You know how everyone has one of those special places where they see it and think "oh my god... someday I'll take someone really special here so they can see it"? Well, that place is Versailles for me (at least for now). There was just something about it, even in the mist... I might post my favorite picture of all later on, or I might not. You'll have to wait and see!

Adventures in Television

I swore that I wouldn't get tv here because A) I didn't want to pay the tv tax, and B) I thought I didn't need tv anymore. Turns out I have to pay the tv tax anyway because of my broadband connection (well, I don't *have* to, but I don't want to risk a 1000 GBP fine). and to refute point B- tv will help me relate to my staff. They're always asking me if I saw Eastenders, or do I know of this tv star or that star... besides, I kind of liked having the news on in the background in the morning as I was getting ready for work. So I broke down and decided that I was going to get television. It's not like I had to get cable- the tv license is what pays for all of the "freeview" channels.

Because of my big beautiful computer, I thought "I don't need to buy a tv, I'll just get a tv tuner and watch things on my laptop." So I went to the electronics store last weekend, where the sales associate was ever so nice but no help whatsoever. I picked what I thought was the most appropriate piece of equipment (cost: 30GBP), took it home, installed it, and nothing. Ok, maybe the rinky-dink antenna that came with the tuner stick isn't good enough, I thought. Went to a store to buy a real set-top antenna (cost: 10GBP). Hooked it up, and still nothing. Ok, fine. Maybe I need to actually buy a freeview box (which, now that I think about it, probably does the same thing as the tuner). The freeview box cost me 30 GBP. Did hooking that up do anything? Of course not! I have the receipts for everything, but I'm not sure what I want to take back. Because I'm living over here indefinitely, it's kind of hard for me to stick with my stance of "no tv, ever." And because I *do* want tv at some point, why should I return everything just to have to buy part of it back again, especially when some of it was on sale this time around? I'm wondering if I should now buy a tv set, see if I can get *that* to work, and then return the leftover crap I have hanging around, if it's not past the "return-by" date yet...

I want to give a quick update on work because I probably won't post again until after I get back from Paris this weekend (hee hee hee. yes, I'm going to a foreign country ;-). The past week and a half have been absolutely nuts, and I feel like I can't quite catch a break. Between endless/pointless meetings, My Boss being on holiday/in hospital (yes, he went to the Canary Islands on holiday last week, got really ill and spent some time in the hospital, tried to come back to work on Tuesday but went home after two hours, and hasn't been seen since), a lack of staff, and stupid touring performance promoters... But I rather like being busy like this. It's all good.

Sick ones and Nik Naks

Yesterday was the day that the director of HR and I went to visit the Supervisor Who Turned Psycho, to talk to her and see when/if she was coming back. It was an absolutely gorgeous drive through the countryside (she lives across from an old church, and fields of sheep- all very picturesque), but that was the only good thing about it. I don't know what i was expecting, but I didn't expect this woman to look like she was physically beaten. She looked absolutely horrible. For the two weeks I'd known her before everything happened, she wouldn't be caught dead without looking absolutely perfect. But it wasn't an act. We walked in the door, and she sat down to talk to us, and before she'd gotten a whole sentence out of her mouth, she started crying, and by the end of three sentences, she had to get up and leave us for a bit. I will admit, we thought (before today) she was just putting on an act and playing the system. While she still may be playing the system, she is a very, very sick person. What all of this means is that I'm still short a supervisor, and will be for quite some time, unless her medical report (which should be getting to the theatre's doctor in the next week or two) says that she'll never be able to come back. Meanwhile, i've got a second supervisor who still doesn't know which desk to call her own, or which supervisory duties will ultimately be hers.

I know I've mentioned this before, but I work with the sweetest people. I walked into work this morning, and on my desk was a packet of snack food with a note from my Deputy. The snack was called Nik Naks- a crunchy Cheeto-like base, but instead of having orange cheese powder flavouring, it had scampi-lemon! Definitely weird! But once I got past the mental block in my head, they weren't *that* bad. Dude... who the hell but me could say they've had shrimp scampi flavoured Cheetos! I'm going to have to get some more twinkies for everyone or something :-)

Ok, I should've figured this would happen here. What is the *this*? I have a thing for a guy who works for me. I know, I know! He's tall, blond, and British. reminds me a bit of (if you've ever seen the show) the character Dr. Chase on the show House, on Fox (you know, the show with the nasty doctor with a gimp leg who cures insane sicknesses in people). There's nothing to say that I can't pursue a friendship with this guy, but that is ALL I will consider doing. I love my job too much to risk it for anything like that. He's a very nice guy- on the quiet side, but can come up with some of the funniest things (and he's played his share of soccer and rugby). Honestly, it's good to know that I *can* be interested in someone, because for a very long time, while I wasn't interested in one particular person anymore, nobody else caught my fancy, either. Kind of like an absence of feeling in general. Quality time with the shrink has paid off :-P

Work update, let's see... things are busy, as usual. I'm supposedly going to (finally) do a home visit to the Supervisor Who Turned Psycho. If she cancels again, I'm going to see if we can finally ditch her at this point (there's a whole bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo that has to be looked at). I'm still short two full time sales advisors, and one part timer (he won't be back for another two weeks or so). However, the Deupty Manager and I finished wading through the stack of applicants today, and have called interviews for two weeks hence,

See, I'm boring :-P

Pigeons, street sweepers and the Jesus Army

Northampton is plagued by pigeons. And they're not shy, either. You can practically step on them, and this morning while I was out, one of them just grazed my head. but I guess that's what happens when everyone and their mother is out shopping- there's no place for the pigeons- or people- to move. And on that line, why would any city council tell its street sweepers to hop on their little machines and clean the same streets that are clogged with people out shopping? It's nuts. I was stuck walking behind this one sweeper for a while, and he must've been drunk or something, because he couldn't drive in a straight line. People here are pretty well trained to get out of the way of an oncoming sweeper, so it's not like this guy was dodging someone. He'd drive towards the right for a while, then veer over to the left for a bit... and he'd miss rubbish too! Weird. And to complete the weirdness, the Jesus Army was out in full force. As I was walking one way down the high street, a bunch of them were handing out the usual "Jesus Loves You" pamphlets. When I came back when I was done with my shopping, 8 or 10 of them were singing "This is the Day that the Lord has Made" and rattling tambourines and pounding on cheap little plastic bongo drums. It was like something out of North Carolina. Here I am, on this beautiful cobblestone street with trees lining the sides, giving shade to the shops, and a bunch of Jesus Freaks are banging on toy drums singing their lungs out.... England really isn't that different!

Wearing a suit makes me feel more important and in charge. Yes, there is a dress code at work- either the company issued polo shirt, or a suit with a white or aqua blouse underneath jacket- but I haven't exactly adhered to it from day one. Nobody has said anything, and when I sort of said something about it to my boss, he basically told me he didn't care what I wore. But today I felt like wearing a suit, and it made me feel different.

It would've been nice if someone told me a contingent from Royal Shakespeare Company was going to be at work, taking a tour of the facilities (including an extended look at the box office). glad i decided to wear that suit today :-P They were very nice people, but did look at me a little strangely when I welcomed them in my american accent.

I was supposed to go on a house visit (with the head of HR) to the Supervisor Who Turned Psycho, but late yesterday afternoon she called and said that today wouldn't be a good choice, and could we do NEXT Friday, as that was the next day her fiance would be off of work and able to be there to lend support. We can't freaking talk to him, and he's not allowed to talk, so why do we have to wait for him? I'm so fed up with this situation. 'Supervisor' has been out of work for nearly two months, and we can't do anything until she either decides to come back to work or finally files a grievance (and then we have to wait for that process to play out).

We received ten deal sheets in the box office today, which means ten shows to set up, but I am up to my eyeballs in applications for sales advisor positions (right now we are short two). While I am immensely thankful that I'm no longer stuck with work-study students, some of the applications I read weren't much better. I've got the usual assortment of actors who need money (and would only use this as a jumping ground), general deadbeats who can't hold a job for more than 8 months, and also a number of freaks- one who is suing her former employer, one who has taken off two months for stress and another 3 weeks for other illnesses in the last two years, as well as a stay-at-home-mom looking to get back into the workforce but readily admits she has ZERO computer experience and doesn't know much about the arts. Greeeat.

Despite all of this, I love where I am and what I'm doing. I am just as confident today as I always have been that this is where I'm meant to be. I love all of you, and I like the United States, but I feel like this is my home. This feeling is exactly like what I felt when I said "screw it" and moved with my family to New Hampshire four days before my senior year of high school started. That was an incredibly difficult thing to do, but it was the best decision I ever made. What is going on now is much the same, even down to the people accepting me for me.

Now I've got a three day weekend ahead of me, with no plans at all except for bowling with the Box Office on Monday night. I feel like a loser that I have nothing else planned :-P

Sunday 29 April 2007

There are a number of things I've noticed recently, the biggest one probably being that I'm saving much more money because I don't drive anymore. Think of it- not only am I saving on the normal expenses like car payment, gas and insurance, I'm saving on the little things too. Like groceries. Instead of taking a shopping cart around the store, filling it with crap to stuff in my car, now I'm taking a basket and filling it with essentials only. I can only buy what I can walk home with.

I've also been working really hard lately, which means not a lot of time leftover for spending money on mindless crap like movies and random shopping. This month, I've managed to save $400usd! Which will help greatly when it comes to paying for Germany in June, and whatever I decide to do for Memorial Day weekend in May (currently taking suggestions).

Another thing I've noticed is social interactions. I've already had way more interaction with people at work here in England than I did in the States, but I find myself not being satisfied. I want more, and I want to meet more people. I'm still not about to go to a nightclub or a bar by myself, but... I also find that I'm not happy with myself when I fall into old patterns like worrying about people/things that aren't my responsibility, trying to fix things that aren't my problem, and feeling that little twinge of jealousy when people I know have been spending more time talking to each other than they have been talking to me. I remind myself that a) it was never my job to *fix* things in the first place, and b) i'm in England, some of these people are not. Some of these people also have more immediate problems. Me- not so many problems, when it comes down to it. So my goal is to not fall into my usual habits of "why arent' people talking to me" and trying to help when nobody wants it.

Some interesting notes on grocery stores here: there is no macaroni and cheese to be found. Yesterday, I really wanted my blue box of mac & cheese with the orange powder packet inside, but it's not to be found in Northampton. I will have to stock up on a trip to the States. The second thing I noticed- Spam fillets dipped in batter. Who the hell eats spam in the first place, and for battered fillets?!... Then there was the half an aisle devoted solely to baked beans. Weird... only four kinds of toothpaste in the supermarket, but half an aisle of baked beans. And then there's the hot dog thing. Tons of sausages, but no hot dogs. Unless you count canned, nearly full-size, hot dogs. But at least there's good ol' Heinz 57 ketchup in the glass bottle to put on them :-)

It looks gross and nasty outside (though not raining). I'm trying to convince myself that it would be a good thing for me to get dressed and actually do something today instead of sitting around... we shall see. I'll let you know what happens next time :-)

Thursday 12 April 2007

Today was the day that I was always dreading before leaving the States- the first day where nothing seemed to go right. I was up with the sun this morning (on my day off) and couldn’t go back to sleep. Then I went to work to check my email because I still don’t have internet access here (story there too), and someone tells me that the kid whose mother died last week might not come back at all… then I go furniture shopping and get really discouraged because everything is so damned expensive- a side table for £ 199, or a simple ottoman for £ 120, or a regular size coffee table for at least £ 349.… and it was like that everywhere I went. While the secondhand stores are cheaper, they didn’t have anything I was even remotely interested in. looks like it’s going to have to be Ikea online (because it’s inaccessible by public transport), and hope that they can deliver when *I* want them to.

Then I come back to my flat to check that my phone service was turned on. I plug in the phone I just bought, and I have no dial tone. I try it in all three jacks, and nothing works. The telephone company (I called on my mobile) was telling me to find the main jack for the apartment, unscrew the plate, and try plugging in the telephone on the “test” jack that they have in there. So I undo all three jacks, because I don’t know which one is the main one, and there’s no test jack for me. Shit. I leave it alone and decide I’ll call them tomorrow.

Shortly thereafter, I get a phone call from work, asking if I can come in tomorrow (my other day off this week) for a meeting with the finance team. Great….. Tessitura *can’t* do some things Finance and the auditors want, but I’m not sure how we can really deal with that.

I decide to go shopping again, but can’t find anything I’m looking for. The jeans I have are too big, but can’t find anything that fits me, I can’t find a bathroom storage unit; I’m just not having any luck at all. In the midst of my wanderings, I get a text message- it’s work, again. One of my advisors just handed in their notice, so now I’m down two full-timers, and if fully staffed, we’re supposed to be at five or six. Right now it appears I’m at four. Lovely.

Come home, put down my stuff, and decide I have to go pee. I pull on the cord that turns on the light (for some reason, it’s not a switch), and something shorts, and now the bathroom lights aren’t working. I tried swapping fuses with a socket that I’ll never use, and it doesn’t work. So I go to put some things away in my bedroom, and the bedroom light doesn’t work either. Nor does the hall light, or the light in the kitchen, or the living room. Fuck. All of the wall sockets work, but none of the overhead lights work, and I don’t have a lamp that plugs into the wall. So I’m sitting on my floor right now as darkness descends, and the only light I have is that from the computer screen. Yes, I have two candles, but I’ll need them so I can see to shower tomorrow morning.

Oh, I forgot to mention that out of all the keys I have for my apartment, none of them seem to unlock the door where we’re supposed to put all our trash. I talked to the estate agent, and they’ll try to get ahold of someone and get me the right key, but… as of now (I haven’t checked my email this afternoon), I still don’t have a contact number for the super, so I’m not even sure who to call about all the ceiling lights being out!

I’m hungry, so I’m going to eat my pizza in the dark now. Actually, I think the situation calls for a dvd- and it’s going to be dodge ball (wish I had The Ringer- “where‘s my fucking ice cream?”), because I need some dumbasses to make me laugh. (note: this is not a rant about England sucking. This could’ve happened anywhere! I still really like England)


Friday 13 April 2007

In a way, it shames me to admit how agitated I got that things haven’t gone perfectly the past two days. Yes, I still don’t have a key for the trash bins, and no, I haven’t been able to get my phone line to work, and I haven’t figured out where the fuse box is so I can flip it and make my lights work yet (keep in mind that I‘m not totally without electricity- all the wall sockets work, remember), but… these are all trivial things, when it comes down to it. I was sitting in my hallway (how nice it is to have graduated to a real-sized apartment) putting together a wire shelving unit (which just barely fits into a nook in the bathroom- it’s crowded in that corner, but I was tired of having all of my body washes, shampoos and box of tampons on the floor!)- sorry, got off track for a second. What I was about to say is that sitting in the hall, putting the unit together, I thought to myself, “well, this is my Nepal.” I mean that in the sense of, ‘this is my adventure, my chance to prove that *things* really don’t mean that much to me.’ Am I more self-sufficient than I was before? I don’t know. I’m not sure if before I was self-sufficient, or just blocking everyone out and wallowing in my own personal tragedies/dramas, magnified out of proportion… yes, I was an island, but of what, I cannot say :-P

Anyway, time for me to peel some potatoes. I did the smart thing while reading while there was light enough (it’s quarter past 8pm now), and now comes the cooking- I usually don’t eat until late to begin with, and miracle of miracles, the light over the stove works. That means I’ll be able to peel and chop without peeling and chopping my fingers along with my food!


Monday 16 April 2007

I’m finding my estate agency most unhelpful. They were supposed to get back to me on Friday with progress on finding me a key that works for the garbage area. I haven’t heard anything yet, and tomorrow is Tuesday. I’ve followed up, and I’m waiting for their response. I don’t have real lights yet, either. They told me to go buy a light bulb and then flick the fuse switch. Um, I’ve already *tried* changing the bulb, and while all of the wall sockets have flip switches on them, they didn’t affect anything when I flipped them and then tried to turn on the ceiling lights. So I’ve asked where the fuse box is. I played dumb and said “I might be looking for the wrong thing- you know, a box in a closet somewhere that has a whole bunch of switches in it, all controlling different areas of the building/apartment.” But damn, I’m frustrated. I’d like to take a shower in something more than candle light.

I sent a formal email enquiry to BT (British Telephone) about my phone line, too. Today, I got something in the mail that was basically a recap of the service I’d agreed to/ordered by my mobile phone last week. The part that disturbed me is that there was a note saying that my new phone number was provisionally assigned, and a confirmation would be forthcoming. Perhaps this means they haven’t really turned on my service after all? So I had to check on that, too. These things are making me feel like a noodge, a nagger, and a pest. But I don’t really know what else to do? I feel helpless asking “where’s the fuse box?” and “you said my phone is working, but it’s really not.” Grargh!

On the work front- the newest rumour has it that the Supervisor Who Turned Psycho *is* coming back. Today was supposed to be the last day of her 2nd two weeks’ worth of leave. The HR manager who spoke to the Supervisor Who Turned Psycho said she had a doctor appointment in the morning, and would call from there. So I have no idea if she’s really coming back or not. I still had to re-do six weeks’ worth of Management Schedule to fit her on it, just in case. It’s going to be pretty awkward if she comes back…

A brighter note- the advisor whose mother died is coming back! He’s supposed to be in tomorrow afternoon. I’m glad about that, because he’s a good kid, but quiet. We’ll see what happens.

I’ve bitched and moaned a lot the past few days about things not going right, what do I do now that life is “normal” and that sort of thing… I feel much better now. Sometimes just writing is enough to make it better. And hearing from old friends, even if it’s just email, also helps a lot… Like I’ve said, I want to share with those who know my past.


Wednesday 18 April 2007 (in the morning)

Today is a day off, and I’m sitting here waiting for British Telephone to arrive so they can take a look at my phone stuff. I really hope it’s BT’s fault that things aren’t working, because I don’t want to have to pay for the visit. But if it isn’t BT’s fault, and it’s not something to do with my actual handsets, I feel like I shouldn’t have to be out the money, because it wasn’t working when I took the apartment. But I highly doubt I’d get the money back from the real estate agency, because they still haven’t managed to get me my garbage key or tell me how to get my lights back on…

More about the Supervisor Who Turned Psycho- you know how I said she had a doctor’s appointment early in the morning yesterday? Well, the stupid doctor signed her off for another whole MONTH. HR and I were talking, and I think what happens now is either we make Supervisor come in for a chat, or we go visit her for a chat, to figure out if she’ll ever be able to come back. In the meantime, we’re elevating a regular Sales Advisor to a temporary supervisor… I don’t think it will ever be easy! But I really like where I am, and what I’m doing.
I know I’ve promised you all lots of pictures, and I’m sorry I haven’t posted any yet. Once I get broadband installed, I’ll be putting things up, and updating on a more regular basis. It’s easier than lugging my laptop to work and sitting in the café at lunch, where I’ll just get interrupted (well-meaning) by people who stop to say hello.


Thursday 19 April 2007

Today was full of unexpected surprises. The telephone company guy came exactly when he said he would, and I don’t think it will cost me anything, because the fault was outside. Then I got a free lunch from Simon because he invited me to a working lunch with the Tessitura specialist who was here training Development (and it was just the three of us). Then I got my paystub, and there was an extra £ 200 in it due to the pay rise (I’m wondering if they made a mistake on mine!…). Life would be really really good if only I had a key so I could throw away my trash, and if I had ceiling lights. I’m not happy about having to go into the estate agent’s office, but… I haven’t gotten a response from them! I know, I’ll get dressed up in a suit, maybe they’ll take me a little more seriously then.

Broadband will be available tomorrow, if I’m here when Royal Mail tries to deliver the package I have to sign for. Otherwise, it’ll be Saturday or Monday. Then I’ll have Skype! Though I’m too fixated on talking to some of you… and it’s probably better for me (in the short term, at least) if I keep pretending I’m an ostrich :-P

Saturday 7 April 2007

Today was moving day…. Yet another day that was absolutely gorgeous- it must’ve been in the mid 60s. Anyway, I woke up, and picked up the keys to my flat, and checked off the inventory sheet (the only thing I didn’t do was get the electric meter reading- I have no idea where to get it from! I suppose I should call the electric company next). After I got my keys, I went shopping. I think the first thing I bought was actually my nice black faux-leather sofa. It was exactly what I was looking for (was debating between two-seater and three-seater the other day)- it’s a nice solid color, and sharp, clean lines- none of this overstuffed blob stuff. Yeah, it cost roughly 400 usd, but… it was actually cheap for here. And my vacation payout is double what I was expecting, so I don’t have to worry about what I spent today, and I can actually get a coffee table and a real bed now, instead of waiting until I got more money. It’s such a nice feeling to be able to just get what I need, and not have to worry about buying the cheapest/whatever’s on hand- I can actually pick what I like.

I have to take a moment here to mention how truly special the people I work with are. Originally, the group sales administrator was supposed to help me move, but then I had to emergency schedule her in. Then, one of the Sales Supervisors (actually, there’s only one of them at the moment, because psycho hose beast has taken another two weeks of ‘stress’, in order to stall for more time while she files a grievance) was going to help me once she was off work at 5:30, but then she texted me saying she swapped her shift and was on lates. What wound up happening was she, the group sales admin and her boyfriend all helped me on their lunch break!! And it only took one trip, even with the lift being broken and us having to schlepp stuff (including the gigantic scary black suitcase that I will never use again) up three flights of stairs. I owe them all a big debt. And, my deputy (who was on the 9-5 shift) told me to call her if I needed help unpacking or anything, and she’d come over after work…

It’s such a good feeling to finally be in my own place here. I’m going to love it. Yeah, it’s a little noisy tonight with the clubs and bars on my street (looking out my window, I can count 7 restaurants, all of a different ethnicity), but the apartment is perfect. There’s tons of sunlight, it’s in the middle of everything, and there’s a huge grocery store just down the street. And, it’s less than a five minute walk from work, but I don’t feel like I’m living right on top of the theatre.
As I was on one of my many shopping trips today, I couldn’t help but think that things were finally going my way. It just felt so right; I can’t describe it any other way. It’s like I was meant to come here, and live in this space, and do what I’m doing for a job…. I know I’ve remarked on this before, but it’s such a novel concept for me that I’m still not used to it. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly get used to it! It’s like everything finally combined- the right job, the right location, me being in the right frame of mind to finally accept it (whether it be good or bad)… ok, here’s a perfect example of how things are truly, definitely better for me. The other day I was in the grocery store picking up a salad for lunch (love the pasta with spinach, pine nuts, pesto and parmesan cheese), and I saw a pregnant woman further down the aisle. Six or eight months ago, that could’ve been enough to trigger a debilitating panic attack (don’t laugh, it’s actually happened), but this time I thought to myself “hey, that could be me someday!” Total about-face in my reaction, and it was a spontaneous reaction to boot. I think I’m more proud of that than the importance of the job I landed, or even the fact that I could just pick up and fly across an ocean to work.

While it might sound like I’ve gone off the deep end and am thinking everything is going to be sunshine and roses from now on… I still have a voice of reason in my head, cautioning me from time to time that things won’t always be this (perfect, for lack of a better term). And I *did* experience something less than perfect last week- I got homesick for all of you, and the instant internet access I used to have.
Tomorrow’s plan- since it’s supposed to be really nice out again, I’m going to explore the gigantic park that’s just down the street from me- I saw a little footbridge somewhere in it, which makes me think there’s water in the park somewhere. I love water.

First meal in the new apartment, you might ask? Well, while I went nuts in the regular grocery store today (was so excited to have my own kitchen, finally), I didn’t do any real cooking. I went to Marks & Spencer (Carol, you’d be so proud- it’s one of my favourite food stores, even if it does cost a little more) picked up a ready meal (chicken in ginger-coriander sauce and rice), chocolate cheesecake (it was less than 5 usd for a whole one!) and a bottle of white. I knew I wouldn’t have the energy to cook, so I thought I’d go the easy route. And tomorrow for Easter? Another ready meal of ham and potato with cheesy sauce, and then I bought some real cheese for nibbling. Cheese is waaaay better, and cheaper, here. I’m excited. The only thing missing (and it’s not missing at this instant, but will be once I settle in and get decorated), is that most of the people I knew before (yes, all of you reading this) won’t get to see me in my environment. Or, if you do get to come here, it won’t be for quite a while. Sharing via internet just isn’t the same, but it’ll have to do.
Cheers, and happy Easter to you all…


Wednesday 11 April 2007

Time spent at the pub after work is better than solitary exploring, yes? Had a lovely chat with the good Sales Supervisor, and realized we had some similar life instances (she spent a year or two in Spain at one point), and so she understood that though I’m settling in so well here, I’m still missing certain things. Anyway, we had a good talk, and have decided that whenever we’re on the same shift together, we’re going to have to go for a pint afterwards. But, you wonder, can I keep personal and professional life apart, and will others understand that? The answer appears to be yes. I am ever mindful of putting myself, or those who work with me, in an awkward position. I act the same way as my boss would act towards me if we were to go out for a drink after work. So yes, I’m aware of my position and how it could affect things down the road.

Tomorrow is another shopping day, though it will be less manic than the weekend binge I was on. I made a list of things that have to get done, and it’s a mile long, but a lot of it is little stuff like going to the bank and picking up my pin number, and finding a place where I can sign up for broadband service (phone line was just activated today). Tomorrow’s real quest is about a coffee table, area rug, blinds/curtains, a bed, and maybe (hopefully!) some bathroom storage solution. The unfortunate thing is that Ikea is inaccessible to someone without a car, but maybe I can do a bit of online shopping?…
(it’s amazing how obsessed I seem to be with Ikea. There are plenty of stores in Northampton that are accessible, and perfectly good for what I need!)

It’s another gorgeous sunset out… it’s 8:20pm here, and there is still pink in the sky, and not all of the streetlights are on yet. I know when it’s truly dark out when I see the only star that’s visible (because it’s brighter than the light pollution of town).