Now we're getting somewhere?

Interesting times... it seems like I'm returning back to that person I was my senior year of high school- the happy, sweet, optimistic girl who would do anything to help anyone (key part being turning back into an optimist). In the past week or two, I've had a couple of people from work confide their issues, and I find myself wanting to do anything I can to support others... there are some people (like in high school) whose star will far outshine mine and whatever I can accomplish, yet I still do anything I can to make them happy, to support them, with no expectation of a return. It's not a brown nosing thing. I genuinely feel like I've accomplished something positive if I am able to help someone out by listening, or telling them they're fantastic.

I may be tailing off in my posts... I don't think any of you are out there anymore. I will pop on once in a while, but... it doesn't really make sense if none of you are watching ;-)

Holidays

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in America, but I wouldn't even have remembered if my mother hadn't reminded me. I find that I will miss the smells, and the food, and the Parade, but it's not that big a deal. What I find more distressing (for lack of a better word) is that I won't be there for the buildup to Christmas- no Salvation Army red kettle bell ringers, no Toys for Tots, and no Nutcracker (though I'm not sure if this is a bad thing). I know I will be in America for the actual holiday itself, but... at this point, we've lost all sense of what Christmas really is, and it's more about everything *before* Christmas. The Christmas Party for work (yes, they call it "Christmas Party" and not "holiday gathering", and yes, it's off site- they're renting an entire restaurant) is the night before I fly home, so there's a very good chance I will be taking a bus to London the next morning absolutely shattered, and I will be spending the time in lines at the airport getting over a hangover. But I'm looking forward to this party- it should be fun :-)

Things are still the same at work- there's way too much to do, and I've got about half the people I need to do it. I'm disappointed and discouraged with myself, though my Boss has not reproached me at all, and has said that I have been doing an absolutely brilliant job. It's just that there are certain standards I have for myself and my office, and we're not hitting them. I can't seem to make staffing issues move along any faster, so... I'll live with it.

the 4th of July, but it's November

Ok, so there's a fireworks display to rival any New England town's 4th of July show going on just down the street from where I live (fantastic view), but it's November and freezing outside. Very bizarre. To me, fireworks are a summertime event. But this is that whole Guy Fawkes/Bonfire Night thing where a billion years ago (or so it seems- I think it was late 1800's maybe) tried to blow up the Parliament Building with a bunch of gunpowder. It's just one of the things I'll have to get used to, I guess, fireworks when it's cold out!

In other news... I'm having a tough time at the moment. I'm frustrated at work because I'm so overloaded that things are slipping through the cracks. It's hard when one and a half people have to do the work of four. While I can't be expected to be perfect, I don't like failing, at all. I want to do everything right, and some things are not going well at the moment. I feel like I'm letting people (Simon) down, even though he's never once admonished me- in fact, he's stuck his neck out for me a couple of times, and defended me and the rest of the Sales staff. I'm also deathly afraid that Simon is going to get sick of what's going on at his level at work, and that he's going to walk away. I can't always expect someone else to stick up for me, but it's a comfort right now to have someone that's so on my side. I'm a little scared...

Also had an anxiety attack today. I haven't had one in months and months. It may have been the first one I've had since I got here. Anyway, it was triggered by looking at a co-workers wedding pictures (I was the only manager in the Department to not be invited. She might've thought I would still be on holiday?). It was hard to look at them and realise I wasn't getting any younger... my self-confidence and self-worth took such a huge hit in Hong Kong that I'm still not *quite* believing in myself when I say that I will be happy and find what I want and what I need. Getting better in other areas, though. When I went to London on my day off the other day, I was quite happy wandering around by myself, and even ate lunch at a restaurant alone, and was okay with it. And, as I was making my way back to the tube after going to Abercrombie's London flagship store (had to get a gift for the Boss), someone stopped me and asked for directions. They thought I was a Londoner, perhaps?